Holidays, New Show, Emotional Rollercoaster

Hi there again in blogger land!

Just been reflecting on the emotional rollercoaster I feel like I have been on the past few days...weeks?...months?...

Wish that these pangs of inadequacy would just find some other body with which to occupy its time. Most times I feel very grateful for my passions, drives and yes, talents. But every so often, those little voices creep into my consciousness and want to erase all the wonderful esteem I have mustered over these past few years.
I guess none of us are immuned to this human flaw. I must say it is nice to be able to recognize it and challenge its validity.

Last night I went to the Purple Onion for our show "finale" practice and then for the usual open mic at the Purple Onion. After trying out a few new pieces I plan to do at the showcase on the 20th and got some feedback,although most of the feedback was good, I let the one critical piece of feedback overshadow all else. It was from a fellow singer that, although a good singer, I have a problem with the authenticity of this person's performance when I see it. And for me, authenticity is all important. It's what I strive for in my performance.

So I guess I could (should) discount this critique or I could try to derive from it what I can to improve my performance or I could let it affect my self esteem.
Guess which one I chose.

Then I went to my acting class tonight and, although I was a bit late due to recording music for my show to use to rehearse, I thoroughly enjoyed viewing and working in this environment. I always do. It is like a safe playground where I get to explore and exercise all of those emotions that truly make up me...but are not always often seen. And it almost always leaves me feeling accomplished and utilizing my talents and gifts in a unique way, a way that only I can bring to the work.

In general, I love to watch others work, be it on a cabaret stage or in an acting environment. I gain so much from observing others...and performing and stretching myself in the process.

It is so easy to focus on the "bad" stuff rather than all the "good" stuff going on or being said or feeling about oneself. Really in the end, it is what you focus on that gets magnified and replicated. So, hell, why not choose the "good" stuff.

That's what I keep reminding myself of...focus on the "good" stuff. Everything else is just wasted energy and counterproductive.

Ciao for now,
Rick

Post Election Blues...Pre Show Excitement

Hi All,

Back again to post some more thoughts...I am getting better at this blogger stuff.

Well, after lamenting and grieving for a week about our election results, I guess the only thing one can do is "go on" and pray that there are enough checks and balances still in place to make sure that even more insanity doesn't get let loose on our country...and the world. Although, with the news about Fallujah, Iraq and the inevitable more loss of lives to follow, one can only ask "How many lives will it take for the American people to get in an uproar about this war?" and perhaps, the more pertinent question, "which lives will it take?"

I am truly ashamed of my country's actions both in this war and in this election. I only hope there is a cooler, more rational head that prevails...soon.

What happened to our kinder, gentler nation that this President's father proposed over a decade ago. was it all just a cute little phrase and only rhetoric? How quickly we forget. Seems like this nation has become a "numb"er, mindless nation.

When people talk about morals in this country, I really wonder just what those morals are? Love? Inclusiveness? Fairness? Equality? Caring? Tolerance?

Or are they based on fear? ignorance? hypocrasy? rigidity? exclusiveness? greed?

Are "morals" another buzz word that doesn't need to be explained or explored? For if it was explored, would we see the true ugliness that that word really means when it is referred to? Better to keep it wrapped up in a tight little package "morals" than to expose what it really refers to...our hypocrasy and bigotry and fear...are these the values we want to base our judgements on?

This is the mind-blowing tug of war I grapple with when I hear that this election was decided on a "moral" issue.

I am looking forward to performing on Dec 20th at the Purple Onion in a showcase of performers. I'll get about 15 minutes or so for my set. (The showcase will span over three Mondays: Dec 6th, 13th and the 20th) I have been figuring out what songs and theme I will use for this time. Relationships seem to keep coming up as the theme. I've come up with some songs for this and am now trying to figure out how to nicely tie them all together.

I hope you all can make it to the show. Should be a wonderful night of entertainment.

It has been interesting for me to observe "me" since my debut show of "Second Chances". Alot of conflicting emotions have bathed over me since that night. Both good and bad...confidence, insecurity (does this one ever go away ;-), elation and depression, surges of energy and zapping of energy. What does it all mean?

There is so much I want to achieve. At times I am so impatient. Then procrastination and fear set in and time flies by and opportunities with it. I wish I understood it all.

Have recently gotten hooked up with organizations in the film and performing world. Auditions are now becoming known to me and the big question comes up for me...should I go for it? Is it right for me? (the issue of time becomes a big one.) There was an audition for Company...but in Vallejo and other auditions for unknown plays close by. I didn't follow through though. I know I need to get out there and at least get into the process.

I guess all I can really do is trust that I am on my path and some things I just can't rush, including my intent and the time and place things will happen.

It's that trusting that can be soooo hard. Especially when I get so wrapped up in emotions and my head.

Calgon....take me away! (A little humor always helps ;-)