Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Life's Journey...

Well, realizing that the last entry in my blog was back in April I need to update what's going on with me...

LOTS! Have been, up until recently, very active in acting/singing classes. In fact, have done some scene presentations, film work and classwork even creating a scene for my reel, auditioned for the South Bay TBA general auditions, got called by Bus Barn Theatre in Los Altos to play Aida's father in Aida, the musical. Have been making great strides in my acting for singers and Wednesday nite acting classes regarding being effortlessly dynamic and falling more into my character worksuch as being "sexy" and "dark" and my singing has been getting so much more richer and from the gut rather than the throat and chest. Amazing when you attach acting choices to a song or monologue or scene. Also, big goal is to create and perform my one man show at the Plush Room before the end of this year. (Possibly with a friend or two in the show.) I want to focus on this.

I have also hit a financial wall or road block, if you will. Have had to make some pretty harsh and sobering decisions around getting financial stable. Very difficult having to make these decisions with the fear of falling back into the corporate maze of living for the job. I am just praying that I will be able to handle it and keep things in perspective and realize the means to an end and appreciate it for that and not get totally depressed with the notion of having to do the 9-5-er again. Big commute, big time committment, big expectations.

I don't have a choice...or much of a choice. However, I am looking into life coaching and starting up my own business practice around that. Exciting and makes sense. We'll see what I can do with that idea.

This financial situation that I'm in has been a sobering and humbling experience. Having to ask friends and acquaintances for money, very hard to do for someone that has prided himself on being independent and self-sufficient. I can't remember being on this side of the financial abyss in a long time. Being in a depression that zaps my energy and has made it almost impossible to function at anything near the level I am used to performing.

I keep feeling like this amazing miracle will rescue me from this dilemma. But I also feel like I am...have run out of time. I guess a good thing is that the retrograde we have been in is over...yeah...so, hopefully, good things will manifest now.

This post seems rather morbid to me, for me. Have been reading the "Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Very good book. Been writing my morning pages and trying to figure out how I create an artist date. The writing has been helping with the loosening of the creative self inside me. Interesting when you are depressed how creativity seems to run away.

State of mind is only more underscored with the necessity of being positive and alive.

In my hour of need, the true litmus, "actions speak louder than words". You realize just who your real friends really are. Amazing and sad and true.

Leap, and the net will appear.

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit, what a ride!" Mavis Leyrer age 83.

Like it!

"All that I need is within me now."